I still look fat, and I am not. (TW: dysmorphia)

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Bless you Rando. Keep fighting the good fight!

I'm gonna keep a $50 bill in my pocket, for the first person that says, "Hey, you look like you've lost some weight."
 
randompersonrandom said:
Before I tell this, just a FYI to the compassionate people; I'm not looking for comfort or reassurance, I'm fine and not in distress. I'm bringing up this topic because it might make people who are feeling this way and ARE distressed feel not alone.

So...I'm 5'5", and I'm down more than fifty pounds to 134 (as of a week ago.) I was fabulously slim (for me, I've always been heavy), and LOOKED fabulously slim to myself. I'm aiming for 125, but plan to be lazy and off-and-on about the last nine.

I am two pounds heavier today, 136. That's normal for me; I get hungry just before my cycle starts, retain a bunch of water, and then drop it all at once when my time starts.

Nothing has changed in any meaningful way about my body in the last two weeks, including my exercise routine. And all this week, I look fat. VERY fat. Like, if I saw a snapshot of myself at this weight and someone said "you gained all your weight back, look at the picture" I'd be like "Oh, I sure did, didn't I?" My arms, my face, my middle, legs, everything suddenly looks like it's the exact same size as it looked when I was fifty pounds heavier than this.

It is not even slightly true; I'm wearing size six pants. I'm wearing all small shirts, and a third of them are too big on me. I can see the number on the scale, I can see my belt that I've run out of holes in and need to punch smaller ones, there is objective evidence that what I'm seeing is not real. But I'm looking around at women I know, because we all talk openly about our weights and sizes cause half of us are on GLP-1's and the other half are curious, and some of them are bigger than me. They ALL appear to be MUCH slimmer than me.

I'm emotionally fine and not upset or hurting, because I had TERRIBLE dysmorphia when I was young ("ugly" instead of "fat", but lies are lies) and I am very practiced at shrugging, saying "Doesn't matter what I see, it's not real. And even if it were, it's not very important." and just thinking of it as a problem with my eyes, just like if I was color-blind, so that I don't get all damaged. But I think this is the first time that my eyes reported back such an OBJECTIVE lie. I explained it to a girlfriend today as "It's sort of like if you looked in the mirror, and your eyes were green. So you look at your driver's license, and your eyes are certainly brown there, and you ask all your friends 'hey, what color are my eyes?' and they answer 'Brown, why?' And no matter what evidence you compile that your eyes are brown, you just keep looking back and forth from that to the mirror, which shows that your eyes are definitely green."

I'm willing to bet that when my period starts and I suddenly drop a few more pounds, I'll look thin again til the next time I have a fluctuation, and then I'll suddenly look fat again. I assumed this sort of distortion of my own perception would fade off when I wasn't heavy anymore, but NOPE!
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You fine random...
 
randompersonrandom said:
Before I tell this, just a FYI to the compassionate people; I'm not looking for comfort or reassurance, I'm fine and not in distress. I'm bringing up this topic because it might make people who are feeling this way and ARE distressed feel not alone.

So...I'm 5'5", and I'm down more than fifty pounds to 134 (as of a week ago.) I was fabulously slim (for me, I've always been heavy), and LOOKED fabulously slim to myself. I'm aiming for 125, but plan to be lazy and off-and-on about the last nine.

I am two pounds heavier today, 136. That's normal for me; I get hungry just before my cycle starts, retain a bunch of water, and then drop it all at once when my time starts.

Nothing has changed in any meaningful way about my body in the last two weeks, including my exercise routine. And all this week, I look fat. VERY fat. Like, if I saw a snapshot of myself at this weight and someone said "you gained all your weight back, look at the picture" I'd be like "Oh, I sure did, didn't I?" My arms, my face, my middle, legs, everything suddenly looks like it's the exact same size as it looked when I was fifty pounds heavier than this.

It is not even slightly true; I'm wearing size six pants. I'm wearing all small shirts, and a third of them are too big on me. I can see the number on the scale, I can see my belt that I've run out of holes in and need to punch smaller ones, there is objective evidence that what I'm seeing is not real. But I'm looking around at women I know, because we all talk openly about our weights and sizes cause half of us are on GLP-1's and the other half are curious, and some of them are bigger than me. They ALL appear to be MUCH slimmer than me.

I'm emotionally fine and not upset or hurting, because I had TERRIBLE dysmorphia when I was young ("ugly" instead of "fat", but lies are lies) and I am very practiced at shrugging, saying "Doesn't matter what I see, it's not real. And even if it were, it's not very important." and just thinking of it as a problem with my eyes, just like if I was color-blind, so that I don't get all damaged. But I think this is the first time that my eyes reported back such an OBJECTIVE lie. I explained it to a girlfriend today as "It's sort of like if you looked in the mirror, and your eyes were green. So you look at your driver's license, and your eyes are certainly brown there, and you ask all your friends 'hey, what color are my eyes?' and they answer 'Brown, why?' And no matter what evidence you compile that your eyes are brown, you just keep looking back and forth from that to the mirror, which shows that your eyes are definitely green."

I'm willing to bet that when my period starts and I suddenly drop a few more pounds, I'll look thin again til the next time I have a fluctuation, and then I'll suddenly look fat again. I assumed this sort of distortion of my own perception would fade off when I wasn't heavy anymore, but NOPE!
Click to expand...
My wife goes through the same thing. She's over 100 lbs down. Gone from pushing towards a 2XL to needing an XS and that may even be too big. I haven't a clue what to say to her or how to help her. But she struggles with still seeing herself like she was.
 
It's crazy to me that on the same day, wearing the same clothes, I can look at myself and think, damn, I'm looking so much slimmer these days, and later think, I'm so huge.

Hopefully the longer you maintain that lower weight, the better your brain will get at seeing the true you.

Congrats on the weight loss, btw. Sometimes that seems so far away for me!
 
professorpeppy said:
Ah yes. The classic pre-period 'I am fat and worthless and no one will ever love me'. been there
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oh no, no one will ever love me cause I'm not sticking around for as long as it takes a dude to get too comfortable and start taking me for granted and farting in front of me, the fat's not even involved. 😀
 
I swear the week before my period I’m a totally different person. I’m suddenly so ugly I wanted to divorce my husband. I don’t like my job and I wanna move to the mountains because I don’t like people. None of these things are true, it’s just the wild hormonal ride 😳😂

Also, I find this thread so interesting because I have the exact opposite.

I think I’m slimmer than I am and then when I look in the mirror, I’m like “who the hell is this chubby bitch?” just how I feel in my body and the way I move ect I feel like 120lb person but I’m actually probably 50lbs heavier in reality. I think it’s always been like this ever since I was a kid and even when family members would comment on my weight (good old 90s diet culture) I just didn’t get it! In my head, I was slim like everybody else.
 
I've always had body dysmorphia. Even at 116lbs. It's quite annoying, and I wish I was able to see what I actually look like. Luckily, I'm aware of the dysmorphia and can ignore my stupid comments to myself.
 
I've had issues with this my whole life. I was always the fat kid in school. I lost a lot of weight in Jr high and it's been a struggle ever since. I've probably lost and gained over 1,000 lbs in my life. Honestly, I don't think I will ever see myself as thin. I am going to just do my best not to lose too much weight, try to base everything on how I feel physically instead of how I think I look.
 
The week before you period hormones are low and it’s more likely to cause low self esteem and insecurity. I struggle with this basically every month and am going on progesterone.
 
The belly deal is real. I've lost 26lbs and still have that fat gut in the mirror. I was terribly heavy at 215, but way heavier than I had been in a long time. I wanted 175, and may reach for 170-165. I'm honestly going to guess, that belly is sit up shit. Yuck. Male, almost 67 and 6' tall. As they say, easier to put it on than take it off.
 
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