randompersonrandom
GLP-1 Specialist
Before I tell this, just a FYI to the compassionate people; I'm not looking for comfort or reassurance, I'm fine and not in distress. I'm bringing up this topic because it might make people who are feeling this way and ARE distressed feel not alone.
So...I'm 5'5", and I'm down more than fifty pounds to 134 (as of a week ago.) I was fabulously slim (for me, I've always been heavy), and LOOKED fabulously slim to myself. I'm aiming for 125, but plan to be lazy and off-and-on about the last nine.
I am two pounds heavier today, 136. That's normal for me; I get hungry just before my cycle starts, retain a bunch of water, and then drop it all at once when my time starts.
Nothing has changed in any meaningful way about my body in the last two weeks, including my exercise routine. And all this week, I look fat. VERY fat. Like, if I saw a snapshot of myself at this weight and someone said "you gained all your weight back, look at the picture" I'd be like "Oh, I sure did, didn't I?" My arms, my face, my middle, legs, everything suddenly looks like it's the exact same size as it looked when I was fifty pounds heavier than this.
It is not even slightly true; I'm wearing size six pants. I'm wearing all small shirts, and a third of them are too big on me. I can see the number on the scale, I can see my belt that I've run out of holes in and need to punch smaller ones, there is objective evidence that what I'm seeing is not real. But I'm looking around at women I know, because we all talk openly about our weights and sizes cause half of us are on GLP-1's and the other half are curious, and some of them are bigger than me. They ALL appear to be MUCH slimmer than me.
I'm emotionally fine and not upset or hurting, because I had TERRIBLE dysmorphia when I was young ("ugly" instead of "fat", but lies are lies) and I am very practiced at shrugging, saying "Doesn't matter what I see, it's not real. And even if it were, it's not very important." and just thinking of it as a problem with my eyes, just like if I was color-blind, so that I don't get all damaged. But I think this is the first time that my eyes reported back such an OBJECTIVE lie. I explained it to a girlfriend today as "It's sort of like if you looked in the mirror, and your eyes were green. So you look at your driver's license, and your eyes are certainly brown there, and you ask all your friends 'hey, what color are my eyes?' and they answer 'Brown, why?' And no matter what evidence you compile that your eyes are brown, you just keep looking back and forth from that to the mirror, which shows that your eyes are definitely green."
I'm willing to bet that when my period starts and I suddenly drop a few more pounds, I'll look thin again til the next time I have a fluctuation, and then I'll suddenly look fat again. I assumed this sort of distortion of my own perception would fade off when I wasn't heavy anymore, but NOPE!
So...I'm 5'5", and I'm down more than fifty pounds to 134 (as of a week ago.) I was fabulously slim (for me, I've always been heavy), and LOOKED fabulously slim to myself. I'm aiming for 125, but plan to be lazy and off-and-on about the last nine.
I am two pounds heavier today, 136. That's normal for me; I get hungry just before my cycle starts, retain a bunch of water, and then drop it all at once when my time starts.
Nothing has changed in any meaningful way about my body in the last two weeks, including my exercise routine. And all this week, I look fat. VERY fat. Like, if I saw a snapshot of myself at this weight and someone said "you gained all your weight back, look at the picture" I'd be like "Oh, I sure did, didn't I?" My arms, my face, my middle, legs, everything suddenly looks like it's the exact same size as it looked when I was fifty pounds heavier than this.
It is not even slightly true; I'm wearing size six pants. I'm wearing all small shirts, and a third of them are too big on me. I can see the number on the scale, I can see my belt that I've run out of holes in and need to punch smaller ones, there is objective evidence that what I'm seeing is not real. But I'm looking around at women I know, because we all talk openly about our weights and sizes cause half of us are on GLP-1's and the other half are curious, and some of them are bigger than me. They ALL appear to be MUCH slimmer than me.
I'm emotionally fine and not upset or hurting, because I had TERRIBLE dysmorphia when I was young ("ugly" instead of "fat", but lies are lies) and I am very practiced at shrugging, saying "Doesn't matter what I see, it's not real. And even if it were, it's not very important." and just thinking of it as a problem with my eyes, just like if I was color-blind, so that I don't get all damaged. But I think this is the first time that my eyes reported back such an OBJECTIVE lie. I explained it to a girlfriend today as "It's sort of like if you looked in the mirror, and your eyes were green. So you look at your driver's license, and your eyes are certainly brown there, and you ask all your friends 'hey, what color are my eyes?' and they answer 'Brown, why?' And no matter what evidence you compile that your eyes are brown, you just keep looking back and forth from that to the mirror, which shows that your eyes are definitely green."
I'm willing to bet that when my period starts and I suddenly drop a few more pounds, I'll look thin again til the next time I have a fluctuation, and then I'll suddenly look fat again. I assumed this sort of distortion of my own perception would fade off when I wasn't heavy anymore, but NOPE!
and maybe one day my brain will catch up...
but I will say one thing that might help you that I didn't do. Take some progress pictures! I didn't do it and I don't think I could still because I just don't like how I look but when I see others that post them they silently speak volumes!
